Devo's Blog

Sunday, June 4, 2006

Frustrated

I've been fighting a persistent chest cold/infection thingy for the last couple months and it's still not better. My throat is constantly gummed up and my vocal chords tire quickly and get sore. I haven't been able to sing in choir for several weeks now. Along with climbing, music is an important emotional outlet for me, and not being able to rehearse or sing in service has been frustrating. I took Wednesday's rehearsal off, hoping to rest my voice in time for this morning's service. I tried to sing during our pre-service warm up: no go - all croaky and couldn't hit the high notes. I was fed up, angry and quite discouraged. Ended up sitting in the back row of the congregation instead, trying to get something out of it all. I have a hard time sitting with the congregation - I feel awkward and irrelevant. Music is the most important part of worship for me - I feel competent and connected when using my gifts in worship; without it, I struggle to find meaning in the service at all. I'm kind of ashamed that I'm so reliant on music for worship but that's how it is for me. There's only one Sunday left before the choir takes a summer break and it's unlikely I'll regain my voice in time and that bums me out even more.

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